Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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