She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
