He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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