every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
