Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
