There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
