I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
