Yo dont text me then not text me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize