i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am midnight drunk by noon
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
