So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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