all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
