okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
