So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
