Hey man sorry I got all grabby
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
