What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
