Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
