Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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