While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
