I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
