hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
