Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
