we made out on top of his cat.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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