Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
