btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
