if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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