I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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