if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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