You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
