so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
