You're my little dorito
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
