Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
