I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
