You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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