careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
