he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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