Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize