Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
