I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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