I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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