i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
