Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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