he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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