i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
