Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
