here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
