Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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