She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
