and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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