So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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