Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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