Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
