Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
splinters make it hard to masturbate
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
