Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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