Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
