I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
