Don't you send me to vm
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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