are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
