uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
