he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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