Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
