Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
