I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
