Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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