His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize