i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My bed smells like the plague
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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