If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize