She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
