i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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