I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize