You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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