I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just crazy horny about you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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