Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize