I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
