I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
