remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
