Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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