I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
