I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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