Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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