I wish I could teleport
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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