If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
