Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
