if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
