And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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