I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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