My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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