my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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