hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize