I can tuck mytits in my pants
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
