There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
