my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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