who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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