he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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