I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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