Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize