I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
